"The love we shared is still here."
On 11-11 we lost our cat friend of 13 years, Smoothie. The most charismatic and gentle (Sphynx) cat we’ve ever known. Our kids have grown up with him and he watched over our youngest when he was just a baby. Smooth was never “just a pet”. He was truly a part of our family and touched the hearts of everyone who’s ever met him. He was the embodiment of love and trust, which he radiated from birth until the very end of his physical life. And with his passing, the gifts he brought our family became even more visible.
Grief for an animal often gets less room than grief for a person. Someone says “it was just a pet”, or expects you to be fine after a week. Yet they were there with you every single day, full of unconditional love. They knew your rhythm, waited for you when you came home and came to you when you needed it the most. When that presence is gone, the whole house changes.
Grief doesn’t move in a straight, neat line. The last few days have been a rollercoaster. One moment we were laughing, talking about happy memories with our gentle friend and other moments we broke down cleaning the litterbox or preparing food for our other animals, or just mentioning his name. Every one of these moments reminded us of the gifts Smoothie brought and still brings to our family.
For Astaran, the gift of this grief is seeing that what he loved in Smoothie was something he forgot to see in himself. Smoothie reminded him that the gentle love and trust he held, had been part of Astaran all along. Smooth’s departure broke his heart open, which had silently closed a little as a form of self-protection. His heart broke open so deeply, it hurt to the core. But allowing ourselves to be broken open like this, means we get to breathe a little easier. We get to clean ourselves out of everything that had become stagnant in our hearts.
Grief simplifies things, as it reminds you of what truly matters and what does not. And given that we share this pain as a family, we’re experiencing a deeper level of togetherness, a renewed softness and deeper awareness of the preciousness of life, as it only happens once in this form, never to return again.
This sign is for all of us and every animal companion who’s left a hole in our lives. Suddenly or expected. Or the goodbye you had to choose yourself, at the vet, holding them. This sign supports you in feeling everything. Not just the grief but also the gift that always comes along with deep grief.
Grief is love finding a new shape.
Be with this sign when the feeling of loss or missing them comes up. Let it help you release any grief stuck in your system, feeling it even more deeply, without skipping past it. Allow the gift of your cherished departed beings to fully unpack inside yourself. You may come to find that the deeper the pain, the bigger the hidden gift inside turns out to be.
All our love,
Ayana & Astaran
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High resolution digital images.
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